You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
