Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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