Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
