I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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