I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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