i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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