hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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