Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
