I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
