Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
