i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
