I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
