I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
