I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Terrible idea I love it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
