Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
