Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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