Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sext me about skeletons
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
