The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
