I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You may now shotgun with the bride
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
