HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
