Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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