I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize