you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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