I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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