she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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