after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
