WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
