I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
