i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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