I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
