People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
