Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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