My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
