im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
