You're so nebulous sometimes
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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