This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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