two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
