Swine flu is the new snow day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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