If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
