I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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