I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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