Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
