repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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