fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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