Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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