You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
