I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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