he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
