im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
