I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
