oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
