i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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