Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
