doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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