I want to have your abortion
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
