I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
