I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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