So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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