My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
