I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
