hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
