My sheets look like a crime scene.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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