I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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