he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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