My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
