Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
