i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
