This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
