His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
