Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
