The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
