somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
