i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
