I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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