You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I supernannyed him into submission
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
