I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
