Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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