watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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