he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize