If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
